I’m really not good at running. I’m seriously just not built for it, and I am a bit slow.

OK, I’m really slow.

But I’ve recently gotten into running again thanks to joining Orange Theory. Turns out I actually enjoy pushing myself when a coach tells me what to do. I also used to enjoy doing fun runs. Back before I kind of fell out of running for a few years.

I’ve been trying to get my daughter to run for ages. I even tried to do a 5K run with her when she was 6. She promised she could run the whole way. For the first ¼ mile, I was thrilled that I was running a 5K with my daughter. Then she bonked. And I ended up having to kick my then 3-year-old son out of the jogging stroller and put him piggyback so that I could push my 6-year-old the remainder of the 5K. It was brutal doing 5K with 30 pounds on my back and pushing 50 pounds. I vowed not to do another fun run with kids until they trained for it.

I’ve tried to talk my daughter into doing the Girls on The Run program at her school, but she was having none of it. But this summer, she got bored enough that she started asking to go to the gym with me. And turns out she’s a damn good runner. She has these crazy long legs and slim build that are a joy to watch when they hit their stride. She has been completely kicking my butt on the treadmill.

When I heard about the Reno Running Fest, I decided the time had come for the two of us to try another run. There really is something for everyone at this event on September 8-9. In fact, this super family friendly event has one-mile categories. Yay! I got pretty excited when I read about the categories of one-mile races, from age group to Elite Mile Heats (so not me), a Fun Mile Heat, and a Dog Mile Heat. There’s also a 50-yard dash called the Reno’s Main Drag Dash for kids 11 & under, which I’m pretty sure my son could rock despite his complete disinterest in running at this point.

If you’re a REAL runner, the 6^th annual Reno 10 Miler and 50^th Annual Journal Jog will be run simultaneously. See? Something for EVERYONE!

You can register before September 5 to get discounted entry fees, or if you’re a procrastinator, pay a bit more and register at packet pick up.

Whatever you do, come on out – there’s no better way to teach kids about the fitness lifestyle than surrounding them by a bunch of really happy runners!

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Postpartum depression and anxiety: Why doesn’t anyone talk about this? Well I’m talking about it now. Where to start…

Loading up my toddler and all our stuff to leave the house triggered that anxious feeling. “I can’t fucking breathe!” I exclaimed, leaning against the car. It’s still morning. It’s too early for this. Next I’m googling “anxiety” and “trouble breathing” and “tension.” Then I’m googling, “can childbirth cause PTSD?” and reading women’s stories of postpartum depression and anxiety. I was identifying with it all. I found myself crying, remembering my first year as a mother. Well she’s 2 years old now, and to be cliché, it does get better — and yet I still feel some type of way.

By midday, I decided to transcend these uncomfortable feelings and try to do something useful something healing. I wanted to blog about it, interviewing local Reno moms who have had postpartum depression and anxiety and came out the other side. Their kids are older now. Here are their stories (names have been changed, but stories are their words):

Mona’s Story

I think I struggled hardest with PPD after my fourth baby. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely had it after ALL of my babies were born, but I think it was most obvious to me after Baby #4. When Baby #4 was born, I also had a 6-year-old, a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old (she was only 23 months, if we’re being technical). Oh, and I had just started a new job. So, you might say that I had a lot going on. I had to go back to work four days after Baby #4 was born. FOUR days. As in, my hooze was still bleeding, and I was still wearing granny panties when I was expected to be up and fully functioning on a daily basis. The disgusting lack of accommodations in this country made for women with new babies is probably a subject for another post entirely. I mean, my milk hadn’t even come in all the way, and I was back to work FULL TIME.

Fuck it all.

Anyway. Let’s just put that aside for now.

So there I was with a newborn, three other small children, a husband, two dogs and a full-time job. Even now when I think about it, I feel like the situation was hopeless.

I was hopeless.

I guess if we’re looking for silver linings in this situation, it’s that I was able to do most of my work from home during those early days. Which didn’t really help all that much at the time because, well, I wasn’t sleeping and basically felt like I was dying.

I remember one morning my husband getting up and getting everyone ready for school. I was still in bed when he came up to say goodbye. I think I was holding the baby. Maybe I was feeding her. Maybe I had just finished feeding her. It was probably 8 a.m., and I had slept, at most, four hours the night before. He gave me a kiss and said, “Don’t stay in bed all day.”

And I started to cry. Don’t stay in bed all day? Is that what he thought I was doing? Staying in bed all day? Just laying here, enjoying life? My fucking vagina was torn to pieces. I was bleeding like a stuck pig. My boobs were raw and bleeding, which didn’t matter in the least to the squawking 8-pound dictator who insisted on shredding my nipples to a bloody pulp every three hours. Fuck you, dude.

But I couldn’t even be angry. I was too tired. I was hopeless. All I could do was sit there and cry. And cry. And cry.

I remember sitting on the couch in our front room, holding the baby and crying. All day. Every day.

Then at night I would move to the couch and I would sit there, holding the baby and cry. And cry. And cry.

My husband told me he was worried about me. And that just made me cry more. Why was I crying, he’d ask. But I didn’t know. All I knew was that I couldn’t stop. Even if, in that particular moment, I wasn’t struggling, I couldn’t do anything but cry. I knew that the baby would be up, she’d want to eat, my boobs would hurt, the other kids would cry and fight and whine and need me to do this or that for them. There were emails I was supposed to answer. There were meetings I was supposed to be at in person, but instead I was calling in and praying I wouldn’t fall asleep. It was too much. It was all too much.

I was hopeless.

***

Baby #4 is almost 2-and-a-half now. As I sat here, typing the paragraphs above, I found tears forming and then falling down my face. I don’t think about it often because it still hurts. It’s still very raw. Maybe it will be that way forever. I don’t know.

Life, overall, is much less intense now. But those memories are still very painful.

I know my husband was worried. And I know he wanted to help me but didn’t know how. Now, more than two years removed from that situation, I wish he had done more than just tell me he was worried. I wish he had offered to sit with me while I called the doctor to make an appointment. I wish he had offered to go with me to the appointment. Or had offered to keep the baby so I didn’t have to take her with me. Because at the time, calling the doctor, making an appointment, getting up and dressed and getting the baby ready to leave the house to go to the appointment was so much. It was almost too much. Like adding one more thing to my to-do list was almost enough to make me not want to do it at all. I know it’s hard to know how to help. But if you’re in a position to help someone who is struggling with a new baby, do it. Don’t be afraid of seeming too pushy. Give her a hug. Tell her you’ll call to make the appointment. Tell her you’ll drive her to the appointment. Tell her you’ll hold her hand or you’ll wait in the waiting room or you’ll stay at home with the baby. Help make it easier for her to ask for help. Because it’s hard. And she may not even realize how badly she’s struggling.

When I sat down to write this, I never imagined that I’d get here and barely be able to see the words on the screen through my tears. But that’s what has happened. The months after Baby #4 were born were hard. So hard. They were so hard, that almost two-and-a-half years later, the mere thought of them brings me to tears.

Reach out. Don’t just tell her you’re worried. DO something. Anything. Don’t let her feel the way I felt about the first few months with my baby.

Angela’s Story

I remember driving to CVS to pick up a prescription for my newborn, and fantasizing about driving my car into a wall or over a bridge. I didn’t want to die, but the thought of being back in the hospital was comforting. It took nearly four months for me to seek the help I desperately needed.

I felt sad, helpless, rage, and desperation. Everything felt hard. My son wasn’t a good sleeper. No, he didn’t have his days and nights mixed up like most babies do. He simply never slept. He cried non-stop. He was sick with chronic ear infections. He ended up having the first three surgeries (of many) in those first four months. I was unable to breastfeed, and finding the right formula for my son was challenging and expensive. My husband at the time helped, but it wasn’t enough. I forced myself to take a shower maybe every seven to 10 days.

My oldest son is now 12. When I look back, I wish I’d gotten help sooner, but I also know that the feelings subside.
I’ve learned that it’s important to pay attention, and to reach out to others after they’ve had a child to make sure they are really feeling okay; to dig deep and ask the tough questions, so that if they are struggling, I can help them find the help they need or stand in the gap until they can jump to the other side.

My Story

Thank you for your stories, “Angela” and “Mona.”

In addition to interviewing moms who have been there, I brought it up with my OB/GYN in Reno:

Medical assistant: “What is the reason for your visit today?”
Me: “I’m here for x, y, z, and…deep breath…I think I need to talk about postpartum anxiety and depression.”
Medical assistant: “How old is your child?”
Me: “She’s 2”
Medical Assistant: “Postpartum depression and anxiety lasts for the first year. This is just life now.”
Me: “Thanks.”

The doctor was better. He explained that an OB/GYN is trained to notice and encouraged to help their patients with this. He said he can usually see it immediately on a mother’s face if he has seen them regularly throughout the pregnancy. He believes exercise is key. He explained that there are two avenues for treatment: The first is talk therapy, called cognitive behavior therapy; the second is medications. He gave me phone numbers for therapists, and I was excited. But the excitement faded, because the thing is as much as I want to go to therapy, realistically I have no time during the week to go without bringing my child with me, and that’s not going to work. So I called the OB/GYN again and asked for antidepressants. I have a prescription, but I haven’t started them yet.

All I know is that I want and am ready for a change for the better. I want to breathe easily.

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The third and final summer 2018 Reno 5000 race by Dolan is coming up in just a couple weeks! My family and I ran the first one of the series three months ago, and despite it being incredibly cold that morning, we had an absolute blast. It was our first “family” race that we had ever done together, and was a great experience.

My three children who raced even made it up onto the podium and were elated to receive a trophy in addition to their finishers medal. Their faces as they neared the finish line were filled with huge smiles. I was so proud of their efforts, especially since they were so upset at the weather that day! I got second place in my age group, which if you know me at all personally, is great because I kinda like to win things.

My husband and I do a few races during the year. The Dolan races are awesome because it’s one of the only events where we participate WITH our children. We get to cheer them on while they run the 1 mile, and then they get to cheer us on when we run our 5k. Usually, Ben and I race out of town races, so we don’t have anyone personally meeting us at the finish line. Do you know how cool it was to see our little humans jumping and cheering for us when we crossed the finish line?

One of my goals as a parent is to raise healthy and active children. I love that this race provides and opportunity for our children to see US being active, as well as provides THEM a chance to do the same. If you are looking for an opportunity to share fitness, health, and activity with your children, the Dolan races provide just that.

Race #3 takes place at Bower’s Mansion, which is an absolutely beautiful location. It offers the kids 1 mile, a 5k run/walk, a 10k run/walk, and a half marathon. Whether you are young, old, a runner, or a walker, you can easily make this a fun family event. Find more registration details and get your family all signed up to race HERE.

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I started back to work last Monday after an amazing three months of maternity leave (13 weeks, actually) with my two littles, baby Scarlett and my almost-4-year-old, Juliette.

When I had Juliette four years ago, we were only in a position financially for me to take seven weeks off, and although it was definitely hard to go back to work then, this time has proven much more difficult.

We are very lucky that my mom lives two minutes from my office and watches the girls (Juliette the two days a week when she isn’t in preschool and Scarlett four days a week), and that I can go at lunch and nurse the baby- yay less pumping and more baby/toddler love time!!

So I’ve been trying to figure out all week why there has been so much more sadness this time around…

I love my work, and being a physician is absolutely a part of my identity. I could not give that up. But something about the beauty of the past 13 weeks, waking up in the morning with my two beautiful girls, having play dates with mommy friends, getting to make new mommy friends — I got to meet some of the moms of Juliette’s best friends at school because I could actually be there for regular drop-off and pick-up times, not the extended care hours like when I was working — has been much more difficult to reconcile giving up this time.

My husband argues that it’s because I had more “fun” during my leave this time, and I think that is part of it. With Juliette, I spent a lot of time at home snuggling on the couch with her, which was wonderful, but by the end of seven weeks I was a little lonely. This time around, most days we left the house by 8:30 and didn’t come home until dinner time, with activities planned all day. I had many more friends with either toddlers Juliette’s age or newborn babies, so we were hanging out with friends constantly. It was absolutely wonderful to have this time with both my newborn and my toddler and see their growth and change.

I also had a fair amount of time to take care of myself. I went to the gym most days, and of course really enjoyed spending time with friends I don’t get to see very much usually.

As I sat at work Monday, chatting with patients, most of whom I had seen just before departing for maternity leave, it felt like I had never left. In my mind I thought, “Did it really happen? How can it seem like such an amazing, memorable three months wasn’t ever there?” And then, the mommy guilt. And the pumping. And not being the one to take Juliette to gymnastics anymore. Trying to get all of it straight in my head — and Juliette asking me, “Mommy where did you go today? When is mommy-Juliette date day? Can it be now?”

You working mommas know this, that gut-wrenching feeling, trying to explain to your babies why you have to go to work when their sad little eyes look up at you.

But I know my girls will be just fine, and so will I. I’ll get back into a routine, as will the kids, and savor every moment I have with these little treasures as they grow.

And above all else, I’ll never forget these three blissful months together.

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I am so fucking tired of being fucking tired.

The End

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What do you do when a little one needs a filling? Read more from Dr. Whitney Garol for a few options depending on a child’s ability to sit for the length of a dental procedure.

If your child isn’t quite able to sit for a filling, there is a newer dental material that may help, called Silver Diamine Fluoride (SDF). SDF is not a permanent fix for a decayed tooth but it provides an alternative for young patients who are not able to sit for treatment. SDF slows the progression of decay and allows time for the child to mature so the affected tooth can have complete treatment later on.

How it works

SDF is used as a topical antibacterial agent on a decayed tooth to help slow or stop the growth of decay as well as help with areas of sensitivity (Horst). No dental anesthetic or numbing is needed for the procedure. After the tooth is dried off, the material is applied with a small brush to the decay. This allows time for the child to grow and develop to then be able to cooperate for a filling.

After its application, you will visibly be able to see that the SDF is working. SDF is light activated to cure the material and light will turn the decay black. It won’t turn the whole tooth black, just the decayed part of the tooth. The black color will stay on the tooth until a permanent restoration can be placed.

An option to consider

Not all dental cases are recommended for treatment with Silver Diamine fluoride (Front teeth aren’t typically treated with SDF due to aesthetics) but it’s an option you can certainly discuss with your dentist when looking for short-term alternatives to filling a cavity.

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Remember when you thought talking to your kids about sex was uncomfortable and tricky to maneuver? Well, I have found a topic that feels even more terrifying. It’s called “How not to get trafficked.” This topic is vital today. Please don’t skip it.

Ever look at your kids, ready to talk about something you know is so important, and you pep-talk yourself into having the nerve only to lose it all when you look in their eyes? You suddenly remember that they are only kids. Ten seems too early to have such a serious discussion, right? “It can wait.” Friends, let me caution you.

Traffickers think your ten-year-old is the perfect age. I know that sounds shocking to some of you, and not all ten-year-olds will be at risk in this area. But every kid, boy girl, rich or poor, broken home or seemingly together home—none of these factors change the level of risk our kids face in this area.

So, what does that other kid have that at-risk kids don’t? Parents who are willing to brave the sweaty armpits and foreseeable awkwardness to talk candidly with their kids. This topic is no longer optional if we want to protect our children. And before you think the words, “My kid would never fall for this,” let me tell you that I have worked with girls who have already been and are currently being trafficked. They come in all ages, shapes, sizes, and families.

Traffickers have made an evil art form out of their work. They are so smooth our kids don’t even know it’s happening. Their approach? To offer your daughter (and sometimes sons) what they want most in the world. A place to feel loved, special, and noticed.

Here are a few basics you need to know.

1. Money has nothing to do with it. As a matter of fact, here in the Reno area, our highest caseload of trafficked minors is located at our most affluent high school. A recent meeting with an FBI agent in the crimes against children department told us point blank, “Your money has nothing to do with it. In fact, it seems to give a false sense of security to communities.” He went on to tell us that abuse, family dysfunction, and addictions take place just as much in high socio-economic areas as in poverty stricken areas.
2. It has nothing or very little to do with kidnapping. This myth is too thickly planted in our understanding of trafficking. Awaken, a local anti-trafficking organization, has helped nearly 400 women and girls and not one of them was ever kidnapped. In fact, the majority of them (especially minors) were trafficked right through social media apps. Snapchat, Facebook, Instagram, Audio Manager, Calculator%, Vaulty, Burn Note, Line, Omegle, Tinder, Blendr, KiK messenger, Yik Yak, Ask.fm, Yubo (formerly Yellow), Reddit, and Musical.ly are just some of the apps traffickers are using to secretly connect with your child’s smart phone. Any place where private messages can take place is a bad place for your kid to be. Traffickers are willing to spend months grooming your child.

Grooming is an industry term that means a person (man, woman, guy, or girl) spends time online in a private chat space getting to know your child’s favorite everything and building trust through relationship before suggesting an in person meet up. By then, what feels like true relationships have been formed. Our kids have found someone who agrees that their parents “just don’t get it,” and many times our kids believe this is a genuinely intimate relationship.

Many times, sexting has already taken place. Another FBI agent told me he conducts social media safety classes in middle school classes across the state. His first question is, “How many of you have ever sent a nude picture of yourself to someone over your phone?” Without fail, fifty percent of the students raise their hands. His second question is, “How many of you have ever been asked to send a nude photo of yourself?” Again, without fail, the admission raises to 80% of the class.

3. Only girls are affected by this. While we don’t see as many cases of boys being trafficked as we see with girls, it still happens. Even if they aren’t the ones being trafficked, they are affected because their sisters, cousins, and friends just may be at risk. But most importantly, we need to be just as vigilant with our young men to set the standard that buying women is never right. We have the opportunity to teach them to stand up for the women who forget they have a voice.

4. Your child would never fall for this. Ever hear of Maslow’s hierarchy? It’s the well proven theory that humans must have basic needs covered to function in everyday life. At the foundation of this pyramid—and therefore the most important need—is physiological needs. Clothes, food, shelter, air, sleep. The basics, right? Then comes safety: personal security, a safe place to speak up, resources, health. Right above that is love and belonging. There are other pieces to this theory, but these three levels are where traffickers camp out. Here is where we have the answer to why so many women and children fall prey to traffickers. Let’s look at them in reverse.

When a child perceives a lack of love and belonging (whether this is true or not) they will seek it out down the path of least resistance. This means if parents get too busy, work too much, or aren’t meeting this vital relational need, our kids won’t think twice about finding it someplace else. For example, if a cute guy shoots them a quick message of “Hey beautiful,” in a private forum, this child may respond. Because who doesn’t want to be called beautiful? “It’s about time someone told me this.” We call this “gang mentality.” No one wakes up one day and says, “I think I want to be in a gang,” or, “It’s Tuesday? Maybe I’ll look into working with a pimp.” It happens slowly and steadily and sometimes right under our noses. As parents, we pull back in the tween and teen years instead of staying the course to walk along our kids when they frankly need us just as much if not more. They are faced with heavy amounts of temptations of drugs, drinking, peer pressure, bullying, heavy school loads, stress, the future, and the added pressures of the online world.

The next two levels introduce us to another type of trafficking. We call this “survival sex” which is just as difficult to stomach as you imagine. Many minors agree to work with traffickers as a favor and in return for goods or the promise of basic needs met. iPhones, new clothes and shoes, food, rent, a family, shelter, a job, money (albeit not much). These are some things we have seen traffickers use as payment. For a child not receiving these, it’s easy to understand why something as simple as sex would be a worthy trade.

5. This situation is hopeless. This is the biggest myth of them all, and the one traffickers want you to keep believing. It’s big. There’s no denying that trafficking is an epidemic across the world. But, if you have a voice, you also have the opportunity to bring about change. It begins with talking to your kids, your neighbor’s kids, your students, and any kids you know. Talk to other moms and dads, teachers, uncles and aunts. Get the conversation to the forefront instead of letting the bad guys be the most vocal here.

Bringing awareness where traffickers hope to keep everything hidden will remove our children’s vulnerability. Then, we have to be all in. I mean all in. For all 18 years (and then some) we decide we are going to be fully committed and in relationship with our kids. We agree to talk about hard things and be the ones who tell our children how valuable they are, so they never have to look for that affirmation someplace else. Finally, we can be so dedicated to this cause of raising kids that we stay connected to whoever they are connected to. We skip the temptation that comes to be hands off parents because we’ve been doing this for years, and they seem fine now.

“They don’t need me to be as involved now.” Don’t fall for that. Our kids need a place to bounce ideas and push back with safe boundaries and know you aren’t going to quit loving them enough to hold them accountable. They want us to ask the hard questions ahead of time so when they are approached by someone unsafe, they already know how to handle it. They know they can count on you to hear them.

Be all in. Because if we aren’t, there is someone waiting be just what your little girl thinks she needs.

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Cold and flu season is comin’ in hot, as temperatures are winding down and we say goodbye to long summer days and hello to the fall chill. And along with it all the fun of runny noses and coughing to keep your kids, and you, up all night.

So how can you best manage those symptoms? Because let’s be real, a “cure” for the common cold is still quite a ways out.

Over the counter cough and cold medications are not safe to use in kiddos under the age of 4, and studies have shown that they have less than stellar results often in kids older than that.

What is a desperate parent to do?!?

A teaspoon of honey has actually been proven to be excellent in calming a cough in a sick child (over the age of 1, of course).  I actually really like Zarbees for their variety of natural honey elixirs and find them to work really well with my girls – they have one for kids under age 1 without honey as well (no, I don’t get a kickback for mentioning this brand).

Any other bulb syringe haters out there? That big green booger sucker strikes fear into the heart of many infants just at the glimpse of it. I really like the nose Frieda or any other variation of it – it’s a lot gentler on little noses and with the use of your own suction (don’t worry- you physically can’t suck their snot into your mouth, there’s a stop chamber in between) you can gently remove those boogies and help them breathe more comfortably. Using Little One’s nasal saline beforehand, just a drop in each nare can also help break up the deep crusty ones and ease their exit.

Another useful tool can be a warm, steamy shower, or turning on the shower and sitting in the bathroom with it on for a little while. This can loosen up any thick, sticky phlegm and let them breathe a little more easily.

A humidifier can also be helpful with this but does take diligent cleaning and drying between uses to make sure you don’t blast your kid with molds from being put away with water in it.

If they are burning up and achy, sometimes alternating the appropriate dose of Tylenol with Motrin, switching every 4 hours between the two medications, can give them better relief than using just one or the other (just make absolutely sure not to go over the recommended dose in 24 hours for either one).

Just remember, if you ever question what’s going on with your child, a fever just isn’t breaking or something doesn’t seem right with them, don’t be afraid to call your doctor for advice. See my blog “Flu vs. Cold” to help determine when/if you should worry more.

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In today’s fast-paced world, it’s important to keep in mind: Absolutely no one likes to wait. We are used to getting what we want quickly. We can get on our smart phones at any minute and access just about anything we need instantly.

As a mother and a pediatric dentist, I know I am on both ends of the waiting game. I have patients waiting on me, just as I wait on doctors with my children.

After many years in my profession, I am now very understanding when I am waiting for my children’s pediatrician. I have an appreciation for the reasons why we might be waiting. We are waiting because children are unpredictable. Sometimes, as doctors, we plan a procedure and block off 30 minutes in the schedule, but we can end up using those 30 minutes just to talk to the child and encourage them to get into the dental chair. As a parent of a nervous child, I am confident that the doctor and staff will give her the time to walk her through the procedure and make her feel as comfortable as possible. I also know that children are dynamic and growing and their needs are constantly changing and evolving. As much as we try to anticipate the proper time to allow for an exam, we want to be thorough, and a routine exam can often become a complex exam.

Any time you are working with children, you actually have two patients. You have a child who needs your attention and a parent who needs your time. Making sure both the parent and the child are properly informed and comfortable can take extra time.  I also know that children play hard and can get hurt at any time. We cannot anticipate when a parent is going to call our office and need to be seen, but we do know that we are going to get them into our schedule. As a mother, I know when my child is sick, I can call their pediatrician, and she will see them that day. When I wait for her, I know other kids may have had emergencies no one was planning on, and I am happy those children are being seen and cared for.

When I think of my priorities and what is important to me, the health of my children is at the top of the list. Therefore, when I wait for a doctor’s appointment, I know it is more important to wait than to worry about being late for soccer practice. I also want my children to feel like their health is important, and taking time out of our crazy schedule to see a doctor is always worth the wait.

As I wait, I remember that good communication, empathy and kindness takes time. As a health care provider, I want my schedule to be running on time, and I don’t like people waiting on me; however, I know there are many reasons behind the wait.

Dr. Nicole Stoker is a pediatric dentist for The Smile Shop and is a mother of two. 

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This past weekend, we surprised our 2-year-old with a “Day out With Thomas,” put on by the Virginia & Truckee Railroad in Virginia City. It’s a 25-minute train ride, and many of the activities can fill a whole day. Here’s what I learned:

1. Ideally, you want to show up about 45 minutes before the train ride. Bring cash. There is no ATM available at the train depot.
2. The parking lot on F street at the train depot is full. Don’t even bother, just head to the 2nd lot near the church on E street (see pic). It’s a short walk, and there’s even a free shuttle pick-up.
3. Chances are, it’ll be warm enough to leave your coat in the car. You will end up carrying everyone’s coats. Leave the stroller in the car, too. They are not allowed in any of the shops or on the train. Carriers are better in this respect.
4. Start at the ticket and will call building. You’ll get a hand stamp, tickets, a map guide and a PASSPORT to collect 4 stamps for a prize at the end.
5. Alright, you’re in! Next up if you can, take turns going to the bathroom with your partner or adult company while the kids hit the (free) bounce house next door to the restrooms. There are nice non-porta potties. Also next to the bathrooms is a nursing/diaper changing tent which is also nice (see pic).
6. The first (1 of 4) activity to do for a passport stamp is (free) ride the engines on the play lawn. Afterward, head over to the imagination station for a stamp on your passport. The imagination station is filled with Legos and train sets to play with, too.
7. At this point, it’s time to line up for the train. There are multiple lines to enter the multiple train cars. While standing in line and waiting, I pulled out the candy and drinks and that really helped with the wait.
8. All aboard! The car is decorated with teddy bears in the overhead luggage compartments — so cute. Thomas & Friends music is playing, someone comes around and offers to take your picture & gives you a ticket with instructions to access online later. No train ride would be complete without a tunnel. There is a really cool tunnel lit up with neon lights.
9. After the 25-minute train ride, get your passport stamped (2 of 4) and take a picture with a live Sir Topham Hat, with another ticket with instructions to access online later. Try to get in line fast with this one or be prepared to wait.
10. Walking around, you’ll find storyboards, a play sandbox, bean bag toss, putt-putt golf, a magic show, bubble station, handcar rides (all free). There are non-moving caboose cars to go inside with a snack bar (no alcohol), tattoos and coloring.
11. You’ll want to get your passport stamped (3 of 4) at the storytelling caboose/video viewing area, which is a quiet place playing the Thomas and Friends on a screen.
12. Lastly, its time to shop! THERE IS SO MUCH TO BUY. The last (4 of 4) passport stamp is in the gift shop tent. There’s also the depot gift shop (which I preferred) which sells even more Thomas gear along with general train memorabilia.
13. Check in with the ticket booth to get your surprise gift for getting all your stamps. We left happy. I encouraged my toddler to walk back to the car quickly by holding freshly made blue cotton candy 6 inches in front of her like a horse follows a carrot. It worked — haha!

Buy your tickets now! October 26-28 is the last weekend for this event!

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As the primary laundry-doer around here, I find myself constantly pondering the following: WHERE ARE ALL THE SOCKS?

We are a family of six, and we own no less than a billion pairs of socks[1]. How many of those pairs are currently in their natural, paired-up state, happily living their sock lives, balled together neatly in a sock drawer? Maybe four? Out of 1 billion pairs of socks, there are maybe four pairs of matched socks in this entire house. The rest of them are haphazardly strewn about EVERYWHERE. No matter where you look in this house, there’s at least a 50 percent chance that you’ll find a sock[2]. Just one. Because there are never two together. EVER. If I wasn’t in charge of buying socks for all the people in this house, I wouldn’t believe that they were even purchased as a matched pair. Because once they enter this house, their chances of remaining as a “pair” of socks reduces to absolute zero[3].

I find random[4] socks everywhere in this house. Everywhere. Every. Where. Under the bed? Of course. In between couch cushions? Obviously. In the bathroom? Yup. Balled up under the coffee table? Only makes sense. ON THE KITCHEN COUNTER? At least four times this week. Outside in the backyard? Odds are good. Resting peacefully on the ground under the peonies on the front porch? Absolutely. Do you know where I don’t find socks? In the hamper. Never in the hamper. And no matter where you find a sock around here, there’s only ever one. The other one is gone. Forever. You’d think that it would turn up eventually, but you would be dead wrong. It’s like it never even existed at all. If you’re like me and you (foolishly) believe that socks do not just disappear from earth, and so you save their lonely mates — positive beyond the shadow of a doubt that you’ll find its mate one of these days and you’ll be able to reunite them in a happy little ball — then you end up with this…

Those are just the lost socks that I found TODAY.

Now, let’s please take a moment to recognize the owners of these various socks. That one there, that belongs to the 8-year-old[5]. That little one over there, that’s the 2-year old’s precious little foot cover. The black one down there, that’s the 7-year old’s. The one with hearts, the 4-year old is the owner of that one. And the big one? The one that looks like it could fit a grown man? That one belongs to my husband. Because even a grown-ass man cannot keep track of his socks. BECAUSE WHY WOULD HE?

How does this happen? HOW? I mean, is it that sometimes when you’re walking around, a sock just falls off of your foot, and you don’t notice — or you don’t care? I’m not saying that that couldn’t happen. It’s just that is has never happened to me, and it seems pretty fucking impossible for a person to lose a sock off of only one of their feet and that they then just continue on with their day like – “Oh, I put a sock on each foot this morning, but that was really just to hedge my bets in case one fell off, because my ultimate goal was to end the day with just one sock. And I nailed it.” I refuse to believe that any sane person lives their life that way.

Next let us notice whose socks are not included in this sadly impressive pile of single, lonely socks. MINE. None of those socks are mine. Not one of those poor, partner-less socks belongs to me. Why? Because I’m not the type of asshole who loses one of every sock they own. When I take my socks off, I (purposefully) take them off of both of my feet at the same time and then (wait for it…this is the best part), I place them both in the same place (usually the hamper), thereby assuring that they will be washed together and returned (together) to my sock drawer so that we can lather, rinse, repeat the process, and I always know where my socks are. I mean, is that really so hard?[6]

I don’t even know what my point is here. Except that I don’t know where any of the sock partners are, and I am the only one bothered by this. Next maybe we should discuss how I am the only person in this house who knows how to plug in the iPads[7].

What I do know is that when I die[8], my family is really going to miss me when their iPads run out of batteries and they have cold feet.

[1] Honest to God; I counted. OK, maybe I am exaggerating. But we do own a lot of socks.

[2] And there is a 100 percent chance that it will be dirty.

[3] OK, so I know that absolute zero is a (really cold) temperature and not something a sock can be, but I just liked the way “absolute zero” sounded better than “zero.” It adds emphasis, I think. I just don’t want you all thinking that I don’t know that absolute zero is the lowest temperature that is theoretically possible. Because I do. I also know where all my socks are. Absolute sock. (That’s not a thing).

[4] Always dirty.

[5] In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit here that the 8-year-old actually purposely doesn’t wear socks that match. But because I am an anal-retentive sucker who needs order and symmetry and for socks to be paired with their motherfucking partner, I still struggle with just giving her a pile of random socks. I guess that part is on me.

[6] The answer is yes, it is apparently that hard. Except that it’s not. It can’t be. I mean, I can successfully do it, and I recently told my husband that 49 is less than 45, and in that moment, I meant it.

[7] Honest to God; I am the only one. Out of six people, I am the only person capable of taking a plug and placing it into the iPad port, thereby causing the battery to charge. I’m a real fucking miracle worker.

[8] Or, more likely, when I am (voluntarily) committed to the looney bin.

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A lot of people are not too excited about holidays, with added stress and expenses and family drama.

And I’ve noticed that a lot of people don’t seem to enjoy or care about Thanksgiving. It gets kind of overshadowed by the heavy hitters of Halloween and Christmas, but it has always been my favorite holiday. Maybe it’s because I’m a former fat kid who loves food! Just kidding (but the food really is awesome)!

I actually love Thanksgiving because I love gratitude. I think that showing gratitude and taking time to really appreciate all the blessings in your life and in our crazy world is so important, and it’s one of my top values with our family. And in our family, we definitely use Thanksgiving to do that. We don’t get too much into all the historical stuff, we just genuinely want to think about all the things we are grateful for.

One of our favorite traditions is having everyone who is at our celebration write down at least one thing they are grateful for, and we go around the table and read them out loud. I absolutely love hearing what my boys have to say, because gratitude can be a little confusing to a 4- & 7-year-old. But every time, they come through and really show their appreciation for things. And then they get excited and want to add more things!

This year, I have actually been taking part in an online challenge called #last90days, put on by author/blogger/inspirational speaker Rachel Hollis and her husband, Dave Hollis. If you are involved in the personal development/self improvement world at all, then I’m sure you have heard of this little powerhouse of a woman. She has absolutely blown up this last year since her book “Girl Wash Your Face” was released. Anyway, the premise of this challenge is to finish the last three months of the year as strongly as you would start a new year. People seem to really slip up in their lives during the holidays, whether it’s with their health/mindset/goals, etc., because it’s the holidays. We start making excuses earlier every year, saying we will reset everything on that magical New Year’s Day. So this challenge has you really focus on the things you want to accomplish and rock during the #last90days of the year.

One of the things  we are doing during this challenge is to write down 10 things we are grateful for — EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! I have always had a gratitude journal, but this is taking it to a whole new level for me. And it really spoke to me that after 90 days, I will have written down 900 (WOW!) things that I am grateful for. That is amazing! And it is already the favorite part of my day. I look forward to sitting down with my notebook and thinking about my day and really being thankful for the little things (and big things if they happen). It has already made a huge difference in my life. I’ve been in a better mood these past weeks, I have been more patient with my children and husband, and I am not sweating the small stuff.

I believe  gratitude is one of the strongest forces of the universe. I believe it brings about wonderful things, things that might not have come into your life if you didn’t truly appreciate what you have already. I feel that we live in a world with so much negativity and complaining, and I want to teach my boys something different. I have started including them in this nightly ritual, having them write down (or tell me) at least one thing they are thankful for that day, and I’m telling you, they absolutely love it!

So, as this November rolls on, as this Thanksgiving holiday approaches, I hope you will try to be more mindful of the things that you might take for granted: Those laughs and giggles with your kids; those quick kisses with your significant other; maybe the extended family that might help you out when you need them; the fact that you have a home, your family is fed and you have clean drinking water; those bedtime routines that a lot of us dread every night; those times helping with homework; those few minutes in the morning before the house wakes up.

There are so many little things that you can appreciate and be thankful for. Try to start a new tradition with your kiddos, and I promise you will be amazed at how thoughtful they can be and what they truly pay attention to in their day-to-day lives.

I am grateful for this community — for having a village of online support that truly understands #momlife. I’m grateful to the contributors who take time out of their lives to feed our mom brains with so much awesome content. I’m grateful to Lynnette for running this community and doing so much in our actual city when she is a busy working mom.

So thank you, Reno Moms Blog readers, contributors and Facebook friends: I see you, I hear you and I am thankful!

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“My mother-in-law is a complete nightmare,” said my friend for the fifth time in the same conversation.

In response, I gave a sympathetic smile and a few words of encouragement, and then thought about my mother-in-law.

The “monster-in-law” sentiment can be an all-too-common scenario for many, and I feel fortunate that it does not ring true for me because I know, it certainly could.

Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, in this life it could ring true too — the risk is high especially when you look at the recipe for potential disaster: My husband is an only child. He is close to his mother. She has a very strong personality. So do I.

Admittedly, I was nervous about my husband’s relationship with his mother when we first met, and as things grew more serious between us, I was nervous about what that might mean for me. But I can honestly say that my mother-in-law was a missing puzzle piece in my life. She filled a void that I didn’t even know existed.

Here are just a few reasons that she’s the unsung hero in my life.

• She accepts me for who I am, without judgment.

• She accepts my boys from a previous marriage and loves them like her own.

• She listens to me (read: let’s me vent like a crazy person at times). Sometimes without saying a word. Sometimes offering opinions and observations.

• She respects and gives my husband and me the space we need to be, well, husband and wife. She respects that we are living our lives, and that we’re doing it our way, not her way. She respects and supports our decisions, even when she disagrees.

• She steps in to help any time I need it, with a moments’ notice. Sometimes less. And she’s not local.

• Most importantly, she puts up with my shit; which means she ignores it to a large degree, which — let’s be real here — is not an easy feat. I have a strong, bold personality that can be difficult to take. But she takes it all in, giving me lots of grace along the way.

Truly, she’s an example and an unsung hero in my life. Given that I have two boys, I will likely be a mother-in-law someday, and I’m fortunate that mine models behavior that I can one day emulate.

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About four years ago, I got a postcard in the mail inviting me to join something called Nextdoor. I had never heard of it, but apparently one of my neighbors sent an invitation to me. I thought it was an ingenious way to meet some new neighbors in my community, so I signed right up. I created my profile, downloaded the app, and started reading the feed. I was pleasantly surprised. A local wine shop was sharing a free wine tasting, one woman was working hard to get a local book club going, another a conversational Italian group. “This is a really excellent app,” I thought to myself. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

That was four years ago…

I can’t pinpoint when it happened, but Nextdoor has changed in those four years. It’s morphed from its original purpose to help build communities to shaming individuals and ripping them apart. Now, to be fair, there are some excellent posts. Just a couple weeks ago my friend’s dog escaped and was found by someone on Nextdoor. Another poster mentioned how his son’s bike was stolen, and someone posted that they saw a similar one thrown haphazardly into the wetlands. Though a bit worse for wear, the boy got his bike back. These posts serve as a reminder about the purpose of Nextdoor, and I’m encouraged every time I see them.

Sadly though, they are no longer the norm. Rather, Nextdoor has become a public whining and shaming site. It’s this century’s whipping post, where we can get together and cyber bully random strangers for driving too fast, post about a “suspicious male” sitting in a car or walking down the street, rage about someone running a stop sign, or even go as excessive as critique how bikers cross a crosswalk incorrectly. It’s bringing out the worst in us.

What purpose does this public shaming even serve? When you race behind someone speeding to snap a picture of their vehicle, the last place you need to send that picture is Nextdoor. If you need to report a reckless driver, call the non-emergency police line (775-334-2677). If it’s so severe people’s lives are in immediate danger (think violently impaired driver or a hit-and-run), call 911. These options are the responsible and helpful way to report a dangerous driver. Plus, this advice can be used for any situation that involves potential danger or risk. Suspicious individual? Call the numbers. Someone breaking the law? Call the numbers. Possible break-in? Obviously, assess the situation, and call the numbers.

Want to know what is NEVER helpful? Posting that picture to Nextdoor in some hope that the driver will either see it and be sufficiently shamed or that the public can contribute to an online bashing. Spreading this kind of negativity solves nothing and leads to inevitable (Pick your stereotype) “Damn these California drivers/Damn these teenagers/Nevada is going to crap” responses that so many just automatically parrot out today. We get enough of that anytime we turn on the news. We don’t need it on a community website.

So, my fellow Nextdoor users (and especially those in the South Reno area), don’t fall for this. Let’s keep Nextdoor, and any other community websites, exactly what they are meant to be: an online space to get to know our neighbors. From the silent majority, thank you.

PS I want to share a special story that I saw from Nextdoor. What started as a negative post turned into something beautiful. The original poster started a thread complaining about an untidy lawn in his neighbor. Posters responded, some agreeing, until a few mentioned that maybe there was a reason the neighbor had such a bad lawn. Fortunately, the original poster listened to the latter and went to see if everything was ok. The lawn owner was older and simply couldn’t afford to pay for someone to help clean up the lawn and was too feeble to do it herself. So, the original poster mobilized the community, and multiple people came to help clean up this woman’s lawn. If there is a better use for Nextdoor, I’ve yet to see it. Less complaining, more compassion. More joy.

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My husband and I spent a recent Saturday morning attending a free positive parenting course, put on by Robin Brocklesby, founder of Embrace the PATH. Robin put together three free courses to expose parents in our community to this parenting model and see what the interest would be in doing more in depth courses. Before I tell you about our experience, here’s a little bit about Robin and how she came about starting her Embrace the PATH brand!

Robin is an accomplished motivator with a solid reputation for providing vision, creating company cohesion and an energetic environment. As the owner of multiple businesses in Northern Nevada, including Creative Coverings – a Reno-based company recognized as one of the nation’s leading National Special Event Linen and Rental Companies, Robin has the tools and knowledge to create and direct a successful organization. Robin believes passionately in her family and community. As a wife, mother of three teenagers, entrepreneur, nationally recognized speaker and president of the Crisis Call Center of Nevada, her desire to inspire, empower and support others to attain their highest potential is what drives her soul.

Embrace the PATH stems from Robin’s personal journey to seek her truest self in life and business. As a blogger, speaker and consultant, Robin provides others with the vision to re-brand their life by conquering their fears and discovering their Passion, Authenticity, and Truth — all of which are necessary to find complete Happiness. True Happiness = Success. When Robin is not at the office, you’ll find her embracing every second of life — be it writing a new book (scheduled for release in Spring 2018), hosting a new podcast “So Long Small Talk,” driving her kids to their activities, adventuring with her husband of 17 years, pursuing her passion in fitness, and always searching for new activities outside her comfort zone.

Robin started our class by reading a great little book called, Jared’s Cool Out Space, by Dr. Jane Nelsen and Ashlee Wilkin. This book takes us through how a little boy creates his “happy” space, a place where he can feel safe when he is frustrated or in trouble. I definitely related to this book, as my oldest is having difficulties with his frustration and anger right now, so it for sure hit the nail on the head.

We went around the room and introduced ourselves, let the other parents know how many kids we have, ages, etc., and it was clear we had a great group of diverse backgrounds and parents. Blended families, same-sex parents, single parents, biological children, adopted or foster children, younger children, older children, people with both. We all seemed to share many of the same struggles and frustrations, despite the differences in ages or family units. We were all here to find new tools and ideas for how to raise our kids to “not be assholes,” be respectful and just be good kids in general. Everyone had the same frustration that what we were doing now was not working. And there is a reason for that.

Most of us grew up in a time where our parents used a “Talk Down” mentality, as Robin put it. A “my way is the highway” take on the parenting journey — punishing kids for their mistakes/disobedience, using time-outs, etc. But with our society today, this parenting model is outdated and not working. Today’s social environment, and what our children are exposed to, is a more “sharing and creating conversation” model. So, no wonder our kids are not responding well to our time-outs, our punishments, our threats, and our constant YELLING! Anyone else feel like you are constantly yelling and not accomplishing ANYTHING? Because I sure do!

This Positive Discipline/Parenting model that Robin was introducing us to was developed by Dr. Jane Nelsen, based on research by Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikers, all the way back in the 1920s. It is about creating mutual and respectful relationships. There are a few criteria of Positive Parenting:

• Kind and firm (using these at the same time, which is respectful and encouraging)
• Belonging and significance (belonging makes the child feel loved, and significance helps the child develop responsibility)
• Long-term effectiveness (punishment might work, but only in the short term)
• Teaching valuable social and life skills

There are also a few tools and concepts we went over, which were:

• Mutual respect (kindness=respecting child’s needs, firmness=respecting yourself)
• Identifying the belief behind the behaviors
• Effective communication and problem-solving
• Discipline that teaches a lesson, therefore actually sticks and works
• Focusing on SOLUTIONS, not PUNISHMENTS
• Encouragement instead of praise (noticing your child’s effort and improvements, not just their success)

As a group activity, we came up with a list of challenges we face with our kids. They included:

Whining, negotiating, tattle tales, entitlement, bossiness, blaming, bedtime issues, dinnertime issues, shutting down, lack of respect, too much technology, hitting, back talk, biting, homework issues, and tantrums.

Then, we came up with a list of life skills we want our kids to learn, like:

Respect, kindness, leadership, empathy, compassion, honesty, self-worth, problem-solving, communication, responsibility, values, manners, and work ethic.

Robin provided a few examples of common ways we react to our kids (sound familiar? Imagine yourself yelling the following):

• Can you PLEASE STOP being mean to your brother?!?!
• Brush your teeth NOW!
• If you don’t put away those toys, I will give them all away to kids who will appreciate them!!!

We talked about how our attitude as the parent and the way we say these things to our children might make them feel, and it definitely was not on the valuable life skill list! It was definitely more towards the challenges that we are trying to overcome.

Then Robin had us rephrase things, make things more of a question instead of a demand, changing the tone of our voice, and it was truly eye opening how we could imagine our kids reacting differently. As a business owner, she also brought up the point that if we treated our employees or coworkers the same way that we treated our kids, we would probably not have any employees or coworkers that could stand working with us. TRUTH BOMB!

This parenting model is striving to create CONNECTION before CORRECTION. Having honest, open conversations with our children when we aren’t upset to set expectations of behaviors to hopefully take down some of those reactionary statements that lead us all to be angry and annoyed and shut down. We need to try and get into our children’s minds a bit to understand where their behavior is stemming from, because a lot of the times, they have no idea either and are just as frustrated as you are! This does not mean that we will be passive parents and let our child’s behavior go without consequences. Robin says she could spend a whole day on teaching about consequences, so I look forward to that!

We did a few more role-playing activities that were great (parents helping parents), and gave us an idea of what a more in-depth course could look like. Robin is creating this course, which will be held over five weeks and will be broken down into a few age groups (toddlers/small children, elementary school age, teens, etc.). She will be offering it in January, starting on Saturday, Jan. 26!  As a Reno Moms Blog reader, she is also generously giving our readers 10 percent off with coupon code MOMSBLOG. If you are interested in signing up for this course, please check out her website at www.embracethepath.com, and click on “Parenting.” You can also email her with any questions at robin@embracethepath.com.

I am so excited that this is going to be offered, as this was so timely with what my husband and I are struggling with in our parenting adventure. Our current methods are not working, and we don’t want to raise assholes, or feel like assholes ourselves, as one of the parents in class put it! There is no parenting handbook that we are handed when we give birth to these tiny humans we have created ourselves, and parenting is HARD. I struggle daily with thinking I am completely failing and screwing up my kids and setting them up for a lifetime of therapy, and I can’t even begin to think about the teenage years!

So…thank you, Robin, for bringing this into our community and for being willing to not only share, but to teach us and give us a safe place, a village, if you will. I am so looking forward to the 5-week course and educating myself, my husband, and some close family members about how we can be a united front and put our best effort forward with raising our boys. I look forward to having more of a parenting community when we get started in January! Also, this parenting model might not be for everyone, and that is ok too! We are all different in our approaches, and if you are wanting a new take, I would highly recommend checking this out!

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Teachers who care and know how to help; these two factors are the takeaway messages I want other parents to know when considering enrolling their child in the Newton Learning Center of Northern Nevada.

Newton is a private school catering to high-functioning children on the autism spectrum. It is successful in providing students what they need to succeed outside of the Newton learning environment. I know this from my own experience in enrolling my son Liam at Newton for his middle school years. The school was so successful in helping him that Liam transferred to a charter high school after just three years on campus.

Let me back up a little. My son’s journey evolved as he progressed through grade school. We didn’t notice anything at home, but his second grade teacher suggested we take him to the school district for evaluation. They came back with a diagnosis of being on the Autism Spectrum and ADHD. At the end of second grade, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome.

I met with public school officials seeking a recommendation for my son, but I discovered they couldn’t put a finger on his needs. Even still, I kept in touch with his teachers for the rest of elementary school, hoping for the best.

With the transition to middle school, Liam really began to struggle. I again met with teachers and found their level of interest varied from wanting to help, to admitting they were unprepared to help, to downright indifference and apathy.

I also learned later that my son was being bullied and excluded from events by other children, even to the point of being called sub-human.

I knew I had to make a change, so I did some research. I talked to other parents about their experiences at the public middle school and learned that it took almost daily visits by some parents to ensure the school was following their child’s IEP and that teachers were engaged in teaching.

I knew there had to be something else for my son, and while searching online, I came across Newton Learning Center.

We made an appointment to stop by Newton during their summer camp. Liam was immediately welcomed and invited to play with the other children. It was a huge benefit in being welcomed by his peers who understood where he was coming from. And I could see that the staff there knew what was going on with Liam and knew how to deal with it. They’d seen it before.

The decision was made, and with some financial help from my parents, we enrolled Liam at Newton.

In the three years he attended Newton, he learned how to advocate for himself and made good friends he still sees. They really opened up possibilities for him.

His experience at Newton was so positive that Liam was able to transition to a charter high school in Sparks and is currently successfully handling that environment with the help of the school’s resource teachers. He is currently on track to graduate in June 2019.

About Our Sponsored Post Author

Amanda Kay is a married mother of three teenagers, all with their own challenges, and so by definition is a seasoned crisis manager. She is devoted to securing the best available resources to help them achieve the bright futures she knows they have. In her spare time, she rides herd on a wiener dog and a westie and works for a nonprofit improving how courts serve victims of domestic violence, child abuse and neglect.

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A few months ago, I was invited to participate in a 10-day social media fast. I willingly agreed, not thinking it would have any impact on me because I spend such limited time on social media. I was wrong. The impact was far-reaching and life-changing. I had no idea how much I used Facebook (to which I have yet to return) as a buffer. I didn’t realize that I was not paying attention to the world around me, to my kids, to my husband, to my own feelings. In the process of being more present, and possibly even bored, I discovered that we have become a scary society in terms of feelings and processing emotion. That is largely due to our inability to feel discomfort. We don’t have to feel it very often (or ever). We can use false pleasure to avoid it entirely, and as a result, we are not growing, evolving or learning. I was stagnant in my life, and I didn’t even know it. How many of us use food, or alcohol, social media or shopping to avoid processing or feeling emotions or discomfort? And what do we gain when we do so? I feel like my eyes have been opened, and I am not ever going back.

Cue Jamee Andelin… your new life coach.

I know, I know, I too have scoffed at the title and idea of a life coach. But let me tell you, I was wrong. I want to level up my happiness, my confidence, my attention and priorities, my life. And I bet you do, too. Jamee helped me to understand how pushing through my discomfort led to extraordinary things. For example, several times when I was bored, waiting to pick up my kids from their various activities, instead of scrolling through my newsfeed, I paid attention to my children. My children needed my attention! I hadn’t known that I wasn’t giving it to them before. And before you say, “well yeah, duh, of course your kids need your attention,” start paying attention yourselves. You might be surprised at what you find. I felt like I was a masterful multitasker and could simultaneously scroll and listen and engage. And again, I’m not talking hours on social media here; I’m talking a few minutes here and a few minutes there. And yet, the difference in my attention is astronomical. I participated in my son’s murder mystery clues and played ball wall with my kids after school. I immediately felt more engaged than I have in a long time. If I had social media still, I might not have noticed the need because my spare minutes would’ve already been filled. So even if social media doesn’t take my time, it was taking my attention!

It was a crushing and humbling experience as I began looking at my kids in their faces every time we talked. How long had it been? For how long had I been absently scrolling through my news feed, nodding my head with inattention to the precious things my children were telling me? How long had it been since I witnessed the facial expressions and changes in their countenance as they moved swiftly from topic to topic? For how long had I been putting my children behind social media? I didn’t even know I was doing it. I was wrong. I was missing their nonverbal communication, which, with children, is almost all of it! Another remarkable thing was that I stopped yelling. As my tether to my phone shortened, my patience lengthened, and I was able to have a fuller perspective on the world around me.

I have felt a shift in my work-life balance too. There’s a saying: “Work gets my best, and my family gets the rest.” I have been guilty of this often in my life. This challenge to fast from social media changed my heart. It has helped me to reprioritize and find a better balance. My most important calling is in raising my children, not the world’s work. This has been a powerful reminder of those priorities.

I was forced to examine why I sought praise from or escape with social media, food and shopping. What was I trying to avoid? Where were my priorities? Why did I care more about the world than my family? Having time spent doing nothing made me curious about so many of my behaviors. How much of the things I tell myself are true? How much time spent pointing fingers could have been better spent on introspection and learning to healthfully process my emotions? I became curious about so many things. Jamee helped me sort these feelings and discomforts out so that my discomfort could become productive. Jamee is a deep-thinking person who talked me off the edge of the proverbial cliff as a mother, wife and friend countless times. She helped me understand what was going on in ways that I previously did not understand, nor did I know that I didn’t know.

Directly from her mouth: “There are misconceptions in the world. People look around and think, ‘Well she looks happy, or she’s confident, or I wish I looked like her, or her life looks super easy, or she’s successful so that’s just really awesome for her and she’s so lucky.’ There’s a lot of people that think things that people have come from luck. But the truth is that things that people have like confidence are skills and talents that can be learned and taught. Just like if you were to sign up for piano lessons or sports, you can sign yourself up for confidence, and happiness, and to be successful in anything lessons. And that’s what a life coach teaches. So, if there’s any part of you that wants to up-level a relationship, a business, your happiness or confidence, life coaching is for you. If you have a business and you want more money, or more clients, or a goal you want to reach — it could be weight loss, a better relationship, a new business, or you desire that feeling when you wake up that you love being alive — life coaching is for you. If you want to discover what your mission in life is, a life coach is for you. A life coach is trained to know how your brain works, and they can reveal that to you and guide you in the process of making decisions, keeping goals and practicing the skills of confidence so that you can up-level anything in your life.”

One of the things that Jamee is most interested and specializes in is helping the overworked, overtired, overwhelmed women. She said, “I think that the women in the world are amazing and powerful, and sometimes we get stuck in these little tiny setbacks comparing ourselves to others. I would really love for every woman in the world to know her full potential and to rise to that and to live and be her best self. The thing about most successful women in the world is they want other women to be successful. And it doesn’t mean that your success looks exactly like my success, it just means that we rise to whatever our success is. Every life coach I’ve met has the desire to help everyone in the world become successful. There isn’t this competition among each other like, ‘You’re going to do better so it’s going to take from me.’ There is a feeling that life is so abundant and everyone is lifting each other and wanting everybody to be their best selves, which makes them their best selves.”

Jamee was trained in Jody Moore’s “Be Bold” program, where she recently went through the advanced master training called, “Be Bold Masters.” She learned the skills to teach, and coach, and speak, and I am certain everyone could benefit from learning how to change their lives and perspectives. But don’t take my word for it. While she has open spots, Jamee is offering free 30-minute mini-sessions for you to try it out. After that, she does one-hour sessions for $50. Even if you decide that she is not the right fit for you, she would love to refer you to another coach who is. She has seen the change in her own life and seeks to facilitate that change in others. Do yourself a favor and head over to her website and sign up for your free session before they fill up. Or you can contact her at coachingwithjamee@gmail.com.

As she said, “Life coaching is a nonjudgmental, unconditional, loving space where they can reveal to you what your brain is doing. Sometimes what happens is that we think we have the skills to navigate this alone, but it’s so hard to see how your own brain is working and to step outside of your relationships. I’ve seen some really magical things happen from people who already have the skills, but have been unable to apply them to their own experience, even in short sessions like 30 minutes. It’s mind-blowing to watch the progression from overwhelming depression to hope and motivation.

People are uncomfortable with being uncomfortable, so they don’t want to reach their goals. There’s this misconception that if you have any feeling of discomfort then it must be wrong, dangerous or scary. That is how your brain works. It has three purposes: to seek comfort, to protect you, and to seek pleasure. So any time you’re doing anything outside of your comfort zone, your brain goes on high alert. For example, every time I’m about to speak publicly, my brain is like, this isn’t okay, this is dangerous, people could make fun of you, you might mess up. It’s a feeling of anxiety. I’ve noticed a lot of teenagers are starting to have anxiety, and they don’t feel comfortable doing things, but that is just their brains doing what they’re supposed to do. They aren’t comfortable with that discomfort, so they don’t push through or reach their goals or do the things that could lead to an awesome life. They could have a fulfilling rewarding life, but instead they are anxious and stuck. Discomfort is the currency for success. If you want to be successful in anything, you have to become good at being uncomfortable.”

This is so critical! Every time I step out of my comfort zone, amazing things happen. I have seen these first hand so poignantly this last year. I urge you to give Jamee a try… or at least take the time in your own busy lives to do something that terrifies you. The dividend is beyond imagination.

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By Melissa McCool, DDS

With the holidays comes an endless array of treats and sweets, and you know what? It’s okay to indulge! That is what goodies are for. As a dentist, I don’t think it is fair to tell patients they can never have something. The key is to be smart and not overindulge. If we eat treats every day, it will add up, and yes, there will be damage to our teeth and our overall health. But if we save those indulgences for special occasions, such as holidays, birthdays, family get-togethers and celebrations, we can have our cake and eat it, too!

It is important with our indulgences that we stay in control. If you are going to partake in sweets, it is better to have them at one time versus snacking on them throughout the day. For instance, if you have a bag of candy, it is better to eat that bag of candy in one sitting over a short period of time instead of eating only a couple of pieces over multiple hours throughout the day. The reason behind this is when we eat sugary foods, the pH in our mouth becomes more acidic. With a more acidic environment, our enamel can become weakened or decalcified and at risk for decay. So if you eat your bag of candy, the pH will drop, but luckily, your saliva will become a buffer to bring that pH back up. If you do this just once in a day, it will minimize damage. If we eat sugary foods multiple times a day, it will increase the time that our teeth will be exposed to an acidic environment and increase the likelihood of more long-term damage.

So it is just fine to have grandma’s special cookies, treats at an office party, or a special holiday dessert, but limit your treats to a small window of time and stay on top of a healthy oral hygiene routine throughout the chaos of the holidays. Brush for two minutes at least twice daily and floss at least once a day, and enjoy this special time of year with the ones you love!

Dr. Melissa McCool is a proud Reno mom and is a pediatric dentist at The Smile Shop.

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Follow these simple tricks and activities to reduce and ultimately avoid the early childhood tantrums.

During their preschool years, children go through many developmental changes. Considering their social and emotional development, children at this age are able to understand, label and differentiate between the different emotions that they are feeling. They are also able to express it through words. As a part of their cognitive development, children during their preschool years are in the egocentric phase. In this phase, the child has difficulty in understanding the other person’s perspective. They cannot understand why they have to clean their playroom if a friend is coming over. Why is mom still sleeping even though it is 6:30 am on Saturday? Why can’t they go to the pool now?

The difficulty in understanding the other person’s perspective and not being able to express their feelings results in what we call a child’s behavioral tantrums. One of the important reasons that results in behavioral tantrums among many preschoolers is the lack of transitions. Many times, preschoolers are expected to switch from one activity to another without transitions. During their developmental age, it is difficult for preschoolers to adapt to change in their routine and activities. As a result, it becomes important for adults to provide children with appropriate transitions to smoothly shift from one activity to another and to announce time up for their favorite activity. From a theoretical perspective, transition refers to the time or activity that guides children through the day, provides attention to individuals and helps children move from one activity to another, smoothly (Warner, P., 2008).

During their early childhood years, transitions play a very important role in helping children adapt to various changes happening around them and to also adjust to their new as well as ongoing routine. As my mentor teacher would always say, “Transition is where all hell breaks loose.” When situations unfold with proper transitions, it allows children to cognitively process and accept the upcoming change and makes the whole process smooth and easy for them, as well as for the adults. It also allows adults to get a child’s complete attention, which improves listening. Knowledge of what to expect next improves a child cooperation in the activity and thus reduces their negative and unwanted behavior.

Considering that the winter holidays will soon be over for your little ones, transitions for back to school can be planned the night before, where you can read your child stories about the first day of preschool and associate it with their experience. Discuss with them, “What do you love about preschool?” “It would be so exciting to meet your friends tomorrow!” “You can tell them about the fun gifts that Santa got for you!” Highlighting the positive outcome from the upcoming change allows children to adapt to it more easily. Transitions can be planned in the form of a song, game, actions or an interactive activity that connects with the child and provides them with an insight about what is coming next, while giving them time to wrap up the current activity. Getting back into the school routine can be difficult for some children, but you can always make it interesting by planning it ahead of time. For example, you can tell them that they don’t have to walk to the car. Rather, march like a soldier or hop like a bunny to get in the car!

During the preschool years, maintaining a routine at home and at school helps children adapt to the change easily. Any new activity or a new routine needs to be introduced with a transition, which provides children some time to digest the new information and cognitively process the change. Some change of events can cause the normal routine to differ, which can frustrate children and result in tantrums. Transitioning children into the activity helps them understand the new event and allows them time to adapt to the change, which can reduce and prevent the tantrums. Attention-getters can help during this time. Actions like switching off the lights, whistling, etc. act as attention-getters, which make children stop what they are doing and listen to the adult. This moment can be used to prepare them for the upcoming change. In my preschool class, I always switch off the lights when there are five minutes of playtime remaining. This way children know that they only have very little time to play until clean up. This prepares them to mentally accept the change of wrapping up their play and get ready for clean-up. These five minutes play a crucial role as it allows children to still continue their activity, while being consciously aware of it coming to an end. Loss of those five minutes on the other hand, would make “the hell break loose!” The same trick can be used to transit children from their screen time. I also use activities like counting numbers and days of the week as transitions during outside play, which makes it easy for them to wait for their turn and makes the play fair and smooth.

As a teacher, I believe in using transitions to help my preschoolers move from one activity to another during the day. For some activities I sing songs, for some we do silly actions and even taking some deep breaths. It only takes a moment to plan it, but has an incomparable benefit for the young minds. Plan your transitions in a manner that allow children some time before they have to stop their current activity and participate in the next. Make the transitions fun, meaningful and interesting and you will surely make every day terrific for them and for you.

About Annie Shah

Annie Shah is the owner and teacher at ‘Annie & Friends! Preschool’ in Reno. Annie has been a preschool and kindergarten teacher since the past seven years. With a double masters in Early Childhood Education, Annie wishes to do nothing but create the best preschool experience for the young kiddos out there!

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Education is a difficult topic for many families – fitting in extracurriculars, attendance, balancing academics and social life. It’s a challenge many of us face when seeking what’s right for our individual family needs. With the emergence of online curriculums, charter schools, private schools, and more intricate home-school curriculums, there are a lot of unexplored options for your family’s needs.

To help explore some of our alternatives, we interviewed a local organization, the Stronghold Institute, to provide insight into new programs coming to our community.

Stronghold Institute was started by two public school educators who learned the secret to student success. They observed what worked and what didn’t in preparing them for productivelives outside of school. Then and now, they grew their passion for creating meaningful curriculums that would better serve the communities they are in.

During the interview, Stronghold Institute Director Paul White said, “We observed and worked with countless classrooms of children in many school districts over several decades. The ‘must-have’ subject that prepares kids for successful, productive lives, is completely ignored by most education programs.”

Here is the Stronghold philosophy, according to this interview:

The key to students having successful careers and productive lives is NOT academic knowledge acquisition. Learning the skills necessary for any occupation is important; but in today’s world, everything mankind has ever learned can be accessed on the internet, or even from an iPhone.

Student success is not connected with where (or how) you go to school. There are students in public school, private school, and homeschool who find success and happiness. And there are students in all three settings who do NOT.

Here’s the most important fact to know about helping your child be successful:

• Children succeed in direct proportion to how effectively they’re taught to have consistent character, strong moral values, and understand how these qualities underlie every aspect of their lives.

This type of education is what Stronghold Institute offers to children of all ages:

Our Character/Values Education classes are offered in a six-class/three-week package, with two classes per week. Each class is 90 minutes long, with flexible class times, and fees on a sliding scale.

All classes are presented at Stronghold Institute’s first-class facility: 9480 Gateway Drive – Suite 100 – in Reno.

Topics covered in class include the following:

1. Character, integrity, moral values, and moral courage: What are they and why do they matter?
2. Taking a “Personal Integrity and Moral Courage Inventory.”
3. Are everyone’s moral values the same?
4. Determining your own moral values.
5. Integrity, moral values, and the law.
6. How character and moral values make school, choosing careers, and part-time jobs much different…and better.
7. How character and moral values make you function better as your unique self, and also as a contributing part of your family team.
8. How character and moral values improve your decision-making
9. Character, values, and clean/sober living
10. Build better relationships of all kinds with character and moral values
11. Resisting peer pressure
12. Character and values to improve personal fitness? Yes!
13. Tired of lying about everything? It’s all about character and moral values.
14. Character and moral values – the rights and responsibilities of US citizenship and obeying the law.

Contact Stronghold Director Paul White for more information: (775) 685.8200.

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